Hello Country Life

Life has felt so "up in the air" right now. For almost 3 weeks now we've been staying with my parents, waiting to move in to our home. We all arrived, Steve flew back to FL, packed our belongings in a Uhaul, drove back, unpacked our things in the garage at our new house, started his summer job (running teen camp at the Coatesville YMCA). We've been busy, the time is flying by. It's almost July, Titus will soon be two. We'll soon have a second son. We are overwhelmed by lists and expenses and what needs to be done before we can finally be and feel settled. I am ready to be settled, unpacked and decorating a nursery. We agreed to never move again and have a baby at the same time. We've done it twice now (once right after the baby arrived and this time just before).

I feel like these three weeks have already been a journey for me, and for Steve. Coming back "home" wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. We had fears about certain things, reasons why we left in the first place. They became real once again. Not real fears, maybe I shouldn't use that word. Others may be confused but Steve and I know what I mean. It seems much hasn't changed in this area in the two years, although Steve and I have changed. We've had new experiences and new growth. Our relationship changed and we're now a family. We moved so quickly after Titus was born that we never really experienced being a family here.

South Florida is so different from here...and here is so different from there. I miss the culture, the diversity, the laid back style, yet the sophistication. I miss seeing palm trees and sand and clear blue water. I wonder if the sea turtles that were nesting on "our" beach have hatched yet. I wonder if the homeless lady is still at the end of our road. I wish we had spend one more evening at the pool or at the park. I wonder if we'll have regrets about moving back here, or if the regrets would've come if we'd stayed. I wonder if we'll ever go back for vacation or if we'll ever go back to live.

Calvary Chapel and Calvary Christian Academy were amazing environments to be in as well. Just a feel that can't be described. To go to a church that is packed with thousands of people for each of the four services was incredible and so uplifting. That is when I first knew that we'd make the move to Florida. When we went to interview and attended a service. It just felt right. Whenever we'd leave a church service, I would feel like I could live there forever. On Sunday, we sat in a church that was maybe 1/3 full. So many people just seemed so un-enthused. I don't want that to become us...again.

Titus seems to love it here. He does seem happier here. Ultimately that's why we moved back...for him...and his brother. From the moment Titus wakes up, he asks to go outside. When we're in the car he laughs at the hills, every road in Florida is flat. He points out cows in the fields and horses when we pass an Amish buggy. He is barefoot constantly. He looks for lizards in my moms flowerbeds...a part of Florida he might miss. He has mentioned the beach a few times since we've been back. The one time he was riding a little truck and said he wanted to take it to the beach. That part makes me sad. On the other hand, he is learning to know his cousins and calls for his Grammy. When he can't find her asks, "where is she?" He waters the flowers with Pappy or Grammy everyday. I was sitting on the patio yesterday evening and saw my mom go out with her watering can. Titus came running asking for his bucket (little watering can). She filled it and they went off together. Last week, I looked down from the bathroom window in the morning and saw Titus and Pappy watering flowers.

These are the moments that make it all worth it.

I don't know how long it will take for this to feel like home again. I don't know when I'll stop being judgemental of the people that just seem so "country." Or when I'll lose the fear that Titus will become that way. Maybe we aren't back here for good. Steve had several of the administration tell him he is welcome back to teach at Calvary anytime. He thinks we'll be back one day. Right now we're just trying to trust God...no matter how hard that is at the moment.