Nearing the End

I can't believe I'm now down to just days left of this pregnancy. So much has happened in the course of the past nine months. It wasn't my favorite of the two pregnancies, but looking back I feel like it went so fast. I was 38 weeks on Tuesday and have just 12 days left until my due date of September 7th. This baby has been following the same pattern as my pregnancy with Titus. He's been measuring 2 weeks ahead at each appointment. Because of that my midwife says she will not let me go more than one or two days past my due date. So, at most, I have exactly two weeks left. When I went for my appointment this week I was only measuring at 1cm and not effaced at all. When my midwife looked back at my 38 week check-up for Titus, I was at exactly the same place and then my water broke three days later. I'm hoping the same this time. :) The past two days I've been getting all the final details taken care of. Finishing touches on the Moses basket that he'll come home to sleep in, the final packing of (and shopping for) my hospital bag, making sure all the laundry baskets are empty, writing notes for whoever watches Titus (depending on the day and time labor begins), cleaning and organizing. I think we're ready now....so now we wait.

Waiting

It feels like we're in this in between phase of life where we're just waiting for what's to come. Steve starts school tomorrow, or I should say the kids start tomorrow. It feels like Steve has been in there working for weeks and we've been anticipating (nervously) the start of this new school year for months. Steve will be teaching AP classes this year along with two regular classes. It's going to be a busy year for him. I think we're both a little nervous about his work load.

Although the baby still isn't due for another two weeks, I feel like he'll be here sooner. We've had all these dates to get past in order for me to feel good about his arrival and now I feel like I'm just about ready and all is set. I didn't want to go into labor until after school started and after our health insurance changed. My parents are going on a two week trip to Israel next week and I would love to have the baby before they leave. Although now Steve's mom is on vacation and I'd love for her to be back so that she can help with Titus while we're in the hospital with the new baby. I'm making myself crazy with all these events and scheduling. I now understand why so many women chose to have scheduled deliveries. We'll just have to wait and see when this little guys arrives. It will probably throw us all off. :)

Last week Titus was sitting in between Steve and I when he put his arms around our necks and said, "We're friends." I told Steve the other day that I think he can sense the baby coming soon as he's been extra clingy with me. It's so sweet but it does make me nervous about how he'll handle the arrival of the baby. Here he had pulled my arm around himself while we were watching tv together. And of course he had "Fonti" in his mouth. :)


Potty training...I'm not sure exactly what made me decide it was time. I think it started out of my end of pregnancy desire to have things in order. One day I just thought it was time. I had gotten him some underwear a few days before and I had bought a potty chair while we were still in Florida. I guess I thought that he'd be ready because he started to tell us when he was going. So one day I just went at it. After a week of staying home and working with him...he got it! He has been doing great for a week now and, although I still hesitate to take him out of the house, it's been going well. I pack his little potty seat and off we go. I think once we get a couple of more weeks under our belt I will feel much more confident, and so will he. I'm just praying now that he doesn't regress once the baby arrives, which is what everyone seems to be telling me will happen. This picture was taken by Steve after Titus had gone on the potty. It is funny to see how proud he is of himself after each success.


Here Titus was watching a fence being put up next door. He ran and set up his chair and didn't hesitate to put his feet up and watch. As much as it's outside of what Steve and I enjoy, Titus has been in his glory having all the tractors around to watch. He loves all the activity that takes place around this house.



We may no longer have access to mangoes from the tree, instead we now have grapes from the vine. Behind the little shed in our backyard is a huge grapevine just filled with delicious purple grapes. I've been keeping a supply in the fridge and snack on them all day long.



Titus is still loving the backyard. Alongside the swing that Steve put up for his birthday, my parents added a sandbox. He is now no longer interested in the swing and prefers the sand. Maybe because it reminds him of the beach. :) He will lay in it on his stomach just like he used to do at the beach. It's such a peaceful spot. I sit in the rocking chair and watch him while listening to the wind in the wind chime that I hung from a tree branch.


In the midst of it all, Steve and I are desperately missing Florida. The beach, the environment, the church, the school, the diversity, Steve misses the weather although I'm enjoying these cooler days. It's continuing to be a struggle for us. We've been enjoying the family time, though, and watching Titus. We had the best night out alone while Steve's mom and aunt came to babysit. It felt like we were dating again as we went to dinner and a movie. Those moments are the ones we have to focus on now. It is a different feeling not having it be just the three of us anymore. As stressful as that could be, I did love the bond that we had when we had no one else to depend on. I miss that. When we would be there playing on the beach or enjoying a park or parade, I always wished we had our families there to share it with us. I am so back and forth with my emotions and desires for our family. I pray eventually I will be content in whatever our future will hold.

OC NJ

Titus and I were able to get to the beach for a quick overnight trip. My sister's family was down for a few days and invited my mom, Titus and I to come for a night. We drove down Sunday night and played on the beach Monday. Titus had a great time with the cousins. I've never seen him play so hard and so long on the beach. It was great to have the kids entertain him and I was actually able to sit and enjoy the beach, even falling asleep for a minute. It was hard though not to be a beach snob and remember how much better the beach was in Florida...clearer, warmer water and less people. It is so much prettier in Florida. But, it was the beach none-the-less and we enjoyed every minute.

The boys playing outside in the morning-

Walking to the beach with his shovels-

Digging holes-



Fighting like brothers, is this what's in store for us?-

Playing "tennis" as he kept calling it-


The fellas-

Grammy always brings lollipops-


Keeping Clara busy-


Running in the water-


Under uncle Ken's chair-

36 Weeks

How far along 36 weeks

Total weight gain 23 pounds

Maternity clothes I'm so tired of them

Sleep ok, still waking at night, but really the hardest part is getting comfortable to first fall asleep. I can always fall right back to sleep after my nighttime bathroom breaks.

Best moment this week There are a few. A quick trip overnight trip to the beach. My mom and Titus and I went to stay with my sister's family who is on vacation in Ocean City, NJ. I finally got my tan back and was able to it back and enjoy the beach (first time since leaving FL) while Titus played with his cousins. Best moment #2 was this morning when my midwife told my I am 1 cm...although she quickly followed that up with, "that means nothing." Still it was fun to hear something is happening. I don't remember ever being dilated with Titus at my doctors visits. Not until we checked into the hospital after my water started to leak. Moment #3 happened after my appointment when Titus and I stopped at Target. I found the bouncy seat that I love on sale for $13.00. I never had one with Titus but think I might need more places (besides the swing or the floor) to put the baby down now that Titus is in the house. Oh, another good moment was on the way to see the midwife when I stopped in at the hospital to show Titus where "baby brother" is going to "come out." Since being back here in PA I haven't had to take Titus to any of my appointments. I usually drop him at my sister's house which is on the way. Since they are on vacation, I took him along. Since we were driving past the hospital I figured I would drive in and continue in my efforts to prepare Titus for what's about to happen. I was explaining it to him as best I could think how to for his 2 year old mind...then he noticed a truck that he had to point out and then he asked for his juice. Oh well, I tried.

Movement still lots

Food cravings veggie burger with avocado

Gender boy...who has a name! Just last week a new name came to me and Steve and I both love it. I saw it online and then that evening Steve and I were watching a movie and it was the lead male's name. It's a movie we both like and always watch when it comes on tv. It stuck out at me but I didn't say anything to Steve until the next day. I needed to sleep on it and make sure I liked it before I said anything to him. I told him after work the next day and he immediately loved it. It is fun now to know who this baby is. We didn't find out the gender with Titus so we never had this feeling of knowing who is about to join our family. We aren't telling anyone the name until he arrives. Only hoping everyone likes it. I just love it and it makes me smile when I think about it.

Labor signs stronger contractions occasionally and still the milder Braxton Hicks.

Belly button in or out in

What I miss sleeping or even just lying on my stomach

What I am looking forward to seeing him! And seeing what this labor and delivery is like. I loved my birthing experience with Titus and I pray I can say the same about this one.

Milestones Getting the nursery painted and ready! There are still some things to be done but I feel mostly prepared now. Since he's measuring 2 weeks ahead as was Titus who ended up coming 2 weeks early, I am just expecting to go into labor in the next couple of weeks. I know that really may not be the case...but I really hope it is. :)

True Love

We had a big event happen here on Sunday. Titus said his first "I love you." We were all playing in the living room, I was sitting on the couch and Steve and Titus were playing on the floor. Titus suddenly said, "Titus loves Daddy." We both stopped and looked at each other...and melted. Since Titus is past so many big milestones (crawling, walking, talking) we haven't had one of those "moments" in a long time. It was so sweet to all be there together for this first. Titus is really "all boy." Always wrestling, hitting, throwing, crashing something. Although he can also be sweet and cuddly and loving, we've never heard him express his emotions verbally.

Steve was so excited about the moment that he made special note of it (the little heart) on the calendar-

Since it happened to take place on Steve's sister and her husband's anniversary, maybe we'll remember it. :)

Challenges

It's probably not the best time for me to be writing as I sit here in total frustration. But, I want to remember the journey, the good and the bad. It's 9:00 on a Saturday night, Steve just got back from attempting to do work at his new school. Apparently the man before him left half his belongings there in the room and Steve is left to sort through it all before he can even begin his own work. That will take up more of Steve's time, which will be more time spent away from Titus and less time I have him to help me attempt to make this house a home. I spent the evening trying to set up our new tv (after the old one died) with left me in absolute irritation...my choices, apparently, are sound or picture, but not both. And I'm left to wonder why after each move we have to deal with things not working properly or dying altogether. It leaves me to question our decision and feel as though God is punishing us for not making the "right" decision. I know everyone would tell me that isn't how He works, but I can't help but feel that way in these moments.

Since moving back we've had many little struggles, beyond our emotional feelings of missing Florida and not loving this area. Watching our savings go down due to needing to purchase things like a fridge and lawn mower...and now a new tv. I experienced two and a half weeks of terrible back and leg pain. It got to the point where I called my doctor to make sure everything was ok. She sent me to triage to be monitored where I found out that everything is perfect with the baby. That then led me to have such guilt for going in at all and causing us to pay more since our health insurance is still out of Florida. On top of that we've had to pay to extend coverage until Steve's new job begins. I am praying that the baby waits until after Sept. 19th so that the hospital bills will be on the new insurance not the old. Although we'll then have to begin to meet a new deductible, it still has the chance of being significantly less than if the hospital wouldn't take our Florida coverage. I never thought having a baby would be so tainted by money issues.

I remember after moving to Florida having similar issues which led to the same feelings we're experiencing now. It's always takes so much more work, time, energy, money and effort to move than we expect. I guess that's what we have to remember for the next time...because I have a strong feeling there will be a "next time."

At the Moment

Titus and I are "sitting" at the table, he is eating lunch. Actually he's running around the kitchen and sunroon. He just said "the cows stink, it stinks out there." It's a beautiful day, we have all the windows open. The sunroom in this house is amazing. We have french doors that open up from the kitchen to the sunroom. We have them open now which makes it all feel like one huge, open space. It's my favorite part of the house. I told Steve last night that I am enjoying all the fresh air and not living in air conditioning anymore. In Florida, we used the air from about May all the way through October. Never getting a break.

---Titus stopped to smell the flowers that I have on the desk. They were brought to us yesterday by the little Amish girls that live across the street.---

We (Titus and I) were running errands this morning...getting paint for the nursery and groceries...we ran into my dad's cousin at the paint store and a lady whose child I taught in Sunday School probably 8 years ago. Leaving the grocery store, I realized this is the small town, community feel that I haven't had for the past two years.

However driving home I had a moment of remembering our family time on the beach and had to put it out of my head because the thoughts made me so "homesick" for our life in Florida.

I am still processing this all. Still adjusting. Weighing the good and the bad.

Tomorrow Steve's mom is coming to watch Titus so that I can have some time to do...whatever. I'm considering just going to the YMCA pool to work on my pre-delivery tan. :) On Monday, Titus was with my sister for half the day while my mom and I went to Ikea. These are the perks. :)

Steve has been beyond busy. Trying to juggle summer job, yard work, home projects, preparing for new job, summer class, fatherhood, being husband to an emotional pregnant woman who has been only half functioning for two weeks due to back pain. He is exhausted, frustrated, and missing Florida and Saturday mornings spent on the beach.

Titus loves it here although occasionally asks for the beach...but then follows that up with, "beach is too far." Yes, the beach is too far.

Our life has taken us on such an interesting journey. We're learning, trying to be patient and have faith. Desiring to trust God but finding it difficult.