Life Beyond the Big Decision

It's been difficult to focus lately on anything other than "the move." It kinda consumes. Lists, planning, packing, preparing. Summer is always a nice change of pace since being married to a school teacher. I sometimes think I look forward to the end of the school year more than the students or teachers. That said, it's been a crazy busy summer...again. I think back on the last...hmmm...4? summers. Two of them were spent packing to move states. One we were packing to visit for a few months. Two were spent preparing for a new baby. I am ready to be settled. To feel some stability. Or then will I be bored?

Either way, things are coming together now as we are down to the last few weeks. 24 days actually. We found housing. Two options that were each so good it made it hard to decide. Not seeing either one didn't help much. I guess I think of it as an adventure. Not seeing where we will be living until we get there. That's how it was the first time we moved to Florida and when we moved back here. Now for the third time in a row we are preparing to move into a home that we've never seen.

We're at the point now where we are excited, anxious, a little overwhelmed. Feeling a mix between just wanting to be there and have the move behind us and feeling like we should be savoring each and every moment and detail of being here. I look outside at the sights and even the sounds and I know it will soon all be changed. We say it all the time, but it is just so different from here. Down to the little blades of grass. As Titus and I were walking barefooted outside last week and I felt the soft grass between my toes, I remembered the thick, stiff blades of Florida grass. Maybe it has to be hardier there to stand up to the heat. The trees, I am really looking forward to leaving the leaves behind and seeing the tall palms again. I look forward to day after day of beautiful blue sky with puffy white clouds. We will miss waking up to only the sound of birds chirping. Playing out in the backyard and feeling secluded from the rest of the world. Just our little family surrounded by corn fields.

There is beauty in both places.

Titus has been talking about the move more. He just doesn't quite understand it. After we packed a box the other day, we went to run some errands. After getting in the car he asked, "are we moving now?" We're trying to find the balance. Not talking about it too much or getting him too involved, but also wanting to communicate enough with him about it so that he is prepared. It reminds me of when we were awaiting Quincy's arrival. We tried to prepare Titus, but there's nothing that can really prepare a child for such a big life change. Or us as adults for that matter.

We just learn as we go.

Quincy admiring the scenery of the moment-


Titus enjoying a few morning raindrops, and not having neighbors to see him playing outside in his pjs-

Just Another Day

Life has taken on a whole new normal around here now that Quincy is crawling. It's funny when I talk to second time moms, we all have the same feelings on our newest addition...we really don't want them to grow up. I don't ever feel the desire to push Quincy to crawl, walk, talk, or even feed himself. Now that I know how things change, how quickly things change, and what it means when they do change, I would be content to just leave them as they are. My days are now filled with Titus yelling, "He's in my stuff!" Titus' main toy is still his Matchbox cars. They are really the only things that keep his interest {for a little while}. Unfortunately for us all, they are the perfect size for Quincy's little hands.

Although the cars are Titus' first love, his music addiction is quickly catching up. He has a radio on his little table in the kitchen and turns it on first thing in the morning, listening as he eats breakfast. The trouble with that is, he is always up dancing leaving his breakfast to sit. He has a whole mix of CD's that he picks from. Everything from our Children of the World Choir CD's to Christian rap to Tony Bennett. We are really trying to expose him to all types of music.

Last night as we were all home together, Titus found a "microphone" and told us to all sit as he stood on the couch and performed a song for us. This morning he stood on a box after bringing his little chairs for me and Quincy to watch. He is in the phase where he doesn't like me to take pictures of him, so instead I got this sweet little face-




Quincy trying to find out where the music is coming from-


And then he fell off the chair. Terrible mother. I know. I did catch him {halfway}. However, Quincy's number of falls is still less than Titus' at this age. Once off the changing table and today off the chair. Titus fell off the guest bed three times, I think. Then when he was almost a year, he rolled off someone's (not Steve's or mine) lap. It is so true that you learn with the first one. Although...Quincy has been dumped out of the stroller and bouncy seat by Titus. Maybe that was Titus' way of getting back at me.

Luckily, he recovers quickly-

On the go-



And just as he reaches what he's after...Titus comes in and takes it away. Funny thing is, I didn't see Titus coming and he was suddenly in the picture stealing Quincy's toy. He, literally, ran over when he saw Quincy was after it and grabbed it just as Quincy was reaching out for it.

Part 4. The (End of the One) Journey

This last part is more difficult to write about because it doesn't translate as well on paper. Much of it took place in the heart.

from my journaling-

We know that if God truly wants us here He will make it fully known. Many have told us that He will not confuse us if we are fully seeking Him and desiring to trust Him. We know that He will make clear His will for us. We wait…excitedly, nervously, anxiously.

Steve did talk to Mark (Davis) and Mark had so much wisdom to pass on. He was very good about not trying to talk Steve into coming back but to really give good advice about how to make the decision. Although, he did say that when he ran into Steve in the hall before we left Florida that he had a peace about saying good-bye because he felt Steve would be back at CCA someday.

April 27th - both Steve and I are entering a period of fasting until God speaks to us regarding this situation, after days and weeks of no peace.

During the boys naptime...“Testing“- Watching pastor Bob’s Easter message online. While talking about Job he also says that he’s seen people being tested. God does test us. Looking at this situation in our lives I do believe God was testing us. Steve and I both were saved at a young age, brought up in church, know that we are to serve God and obey him…and yet we hadn’t been in church more than a handful of times in a year. We were at a point of being stagnant. We desired moving back to Florida and He put that opportunity there…and then told us “no.” Would we choose to obey Him? God wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but He also wants our hearts to desire Him. What was our greatest desire at that time in our lives? In the end we chose to obey that first “command?” from Him. But then had a lack of peace which led us to search Him like we hadn’t in years.

April 27th 2:44pm…felt the peace. We are to go.

While I continued to watch the service, at the end during the invitation, I noticed that I had tears running down my cheeks. So aware of the fact that I haven’t been living for God. Not living in sin, but not living for Him. Aware that I need to rededicate myself to Him. I felt God saying, “if you want to live for me, to be who I want you to be…go back Florida."

I wait for Steve to get his answer. It is so difficult not to tell him what I feel God told me.

April 29th - Steve is continuing to fast. He’s on day 3. Last night he was in the bedroom reading the Bible, praying and watching online sermons from pastor Bob Coy. I came in around 10 and I was in bed listening while Steve was on the floor at the foot of the bed watching online. I started to get anxious as I was listening to the message that Steve was playing and thinking…oh no, Steve is going to think the wrong thing from this. I was sure that Steve would take from it that we were to stay and I was so sure God had told me the opposite of that. Then Bob said something that spoke so loud and clear to our situation.

“God’s will still prevails. What we do is we waste a lot of energy and we waste a lot of time. Why? Man, he’s got steps. God, He directs his path. So you actually end up taking a detour. God will still see that you get to where you’re supposed to be but in between the time you spend money that you don’t have, anxiety you don’t want to expend, the frustration’s attached to doing your will because it’s more important to you than what God wants.”

It felt like that was exactly what we did in coming back to Pennsylvania.

Steve replayed that part four or five times so I knew it spoke to him too. Then he stopped it and said, “what do you think of that?” I knew God was speaking through Bob to Steve. We talked for a while, me not wanting to say too much. I knew it wasn’t my place to convince Steve of what I felt God was telling him (and me). Yet so much I wanted to just jump up and say, “God told me on Wednesday we are supposed to go!” I have been so excited for God to speak to Steve on this so we can celebrate together…to celebrate how faithful God has been to us. I feel like I’m bursting inside with this joy. Steve even said last night, “you have this little grin on your face, what do you want to say.” But the more we talked, I saw Steve questioning and doubting. I remember telling him, we aren’t supposed to make this make sense, it will be a peace from God. He seems to be struggling to let God speak to his heart. His mind keeps getting in the way. But I know that in the end he will allow God in and fully listen to what He is telling him. So…we continue to wait.

At the end of day 3, Steve stopped fasting. He felt he was not at a place physically or mentally to fast for any longer. I would agree with him. He is under such stress with his work right now and isn’t sleeping for longer than 5 hours at night. Fasting is just taking too much of a toll on him at this time. I do feel like God already gave him His answer though.

May 2nd - 12:40pm entering second time of fasting. Steve and I deciding to fast from 8am-8pm daily until we hear God speak.

May 4th - mid day…4Kids (of south Florida) came to mind. Praying about house parenting. Told Steve to do the same. The next day I got an e mail from 4Kids about their annual fundraising event. Hmmm.

May 5th - In the middle of our fasting and asking of God to show us something now, I feel we have lost sight of what He has already done. We had considered and desired returning to Florida and to Calvary. He put in place Steve’s dream position and it was offered to Steve! Wow, more than we ever would have dreamed. From God? Absolutely, He is able.

Looking back at a my notes from earlier, I found Acts 8:26 Arise and Go! I looked up the passage and read, “Go south.” :)

Eph. 5:15-17 “Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”

Reading in my notebook from last year when we were trying to make the decision about whether to come here to PA or stay in Florida, I came across-

May 4th - I pray that we will live wherever we can grow the most spiritually.
Life isn’t about happiness and comfort. I can’t expect these things at all times.

May 5th 2010 - (Exactly a year ago today)- Isaiah 58:11 “The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.”

Philippians 4:6-7 and Psalm 37:7-8

May 5th - For some reason, Steve felt that he had to give the principal (Rob) at CCA an answer today. He had to go to his cousins house in the evening and on the way home he called me to tell me he was about to call Rob. I asked him what he would say. He had no idea. I got down on my knees next to our ottoman and prayed. I prayed to God that He would give Steve the strength to say “no” again if that’s what was right. That He would give him a “yes” if that was right. Or allow him to ask for more time if that was what was right.

Steve came home, sat on the couch and said, “I said yes.” I was blown away. I didn’t think he was going to make the decision that night. He said, “I don’t know where it came from but I said yes.” He didn’t know what he was going to say as he was making the call. Then he just said “yes.”

Although he told CCA that he would be returning, he was STILL struggling. Just not being confident that was the right thing for the family. Scared of the passage in Jeremiah that he read.

Thursday, May 12th - Steve, while fasting, had an intense moment while at school in chapel. He said God told him it is ok to go to Florida. He said he sat weeping in chapel. Steve never cries. He said it felt like a hug from God. Wow!

When Steve told Mark in the email that “we both cried” the night he read Jeremiah 42...it wasn’t completely accurate. I cried, he didn’t. In the 13 years that Steve and I have been together, I can only remember seeing him cry once. In that area of life, he is very much a product of his environment. He grew up in Coatesville, where men don't cry. For him to have sat in chapel sobbing is big. When he first said he had a moment and cried, I thought a tear. When I asked him later about it and he told me he was crying loudly, I was amazed.

Over the weekend Steve still was unsure about what to do. I appreciate that he is so careful with making this decision, not just jumping into something lightly. The difficult part about his “moment” while fasting was that he felt God was giving the ok to go but not telling him to go. He had been so afraid of the Jeremiah passage he read and at that moment he felt God was saying, “your family will be ok if you go.” But we were both still struggling with the questions “is it best?” and “can we really do it?”

Monday, May 16th Steve had taken a personal day and was home. It was supposed to be the day he gave his final decision to LMH. He had already told Calvary yes and we had started enrolling Titus in preschool there at CCA. The day came and went and still no decision was made.

Tuesday morning Steve told me he thinks we are staying in PA. He was getting ready for work and I was up with the kids.

Mid morning he sent me a text asking, “Would you still go to FL?”

I had no idea which school we would be at next year.

Over the weekend I had Steve do an “exercise.” I told him to close his eyes. To picture who and what he wants to be…as a man, as a husband, as a father, as a friend. To imagine who that person would be. Then I asked him what he thinks it would take to develop him into that person. What he wants our marriage and our family to be. Where he thinks is best for us. I never asked for his answer. Just something to think about.

That Tuesday when he needed to tell LMH, he said that exercise is what came to mind. He wanted to do what was best for our family and he feels that Florida is where we should be.

He emailed the superintendent at LMH that afternoon and told him our family would be moving to Ft. Lauderdale.

End of that journey…beginning of the next.

Thank you all who were praying with us.

The Mayos.

Part 3. The (Heartbreaking Part of the) Journey

Monday, April 4th after school. Steve came home and we were talking about what our future was going to be. Where it was going to be. Steve felt he needed to call the principal at Calvary and give his answer. He was going to take the job that night but he wasn't confident about the decision being from God. We knew it would be a huge move for us as we would be going into it with the mindset of it being permanent. Also we were having doubts that we truly wanted it for the "right" reasons. Was the beach clouding our vision? The amazing, modern school and the dynamic church? Was it wrong to want to return for those reasons? I told Steve that he should take some time alone and go pray about it.

He went up the hill behind our house to the woods. With the bible.

I watched him go. I prayed for clarity for him.

I put Quincy to bed. It was getting darker. Titus and I were watching a spider building it's web outside the sunroom window. We could see it under the outside light.

Steve finally came back. He put Titus to bed. We sat on the couch and he told me what happened. I sobbed.

Email I sent out on Tuesday, April 5th to our close friends and family who knew we were in the process of making this decision- almost 4 mo. After our initial contact w/ CCA

Steve went to the woods last evening seeking an answer. God CLEARLY said no.

He took his bible. Steve knows so much of the bible and knew he couldn't turn to someplace he knew as he would then get the answer he wanted. He randomly opened it. He said he heard people do that and always doubted. But God clearly spoke.

Jeremiah 42.

We would be openly disobeying if we were to go. We are saddened. Although the move would've been difficult we so much felt that it was best for our family. We saw a future for us and the boys there. We know there is something better for us, but it's difficult to understand that now when this option seemed so perfect for us.

We both said we've never seen God show something so clearly. God does speak to us if we listen and for that we are thankful.

April 7th - The past days have been full of tears, sobbing, uncertainty, questioning, anger, doubt…

I don’t know if either Steve or myself has a peace about the decision. What does true peace feel like? How do we distinguish between doubt and just “I don’t want that to be the answer”?

Should we have waited longer to process and consult with others before so quickly making the decision? We were trying to be obedient by not lingering.

This mornings email to a few close family members-
Neither Steve nor I have the PEACE of God in this decision...or are we just unhappy with the answer?

As we talk more together and seek counsel from others we are questioning...

was that the right way to seek God?

could that have been from satan? could he have used the bible to "get to" Steve where he knew Steve was most vulnerable (fear of something happening to the family)?
if we ALL can grow the most spiritually and feel that we will become who God wants us each to be through the resources and people at Calvary Chapel Ft Lauderdale, wouldn't satan fear us going back and do anything to stop us?

we feel that God absolutely opened the doors for us to go back so perfectly...is He closing the door/testing us?

April 12th - Oh what a journey this is for us. The night Steve called Rob and said no to the position in Florida may have been one of the most difficult things he’s ever had to do. It’s funny (not really the right word maybe) the things we’ve been through in our relationship and marriage. So much hard stuff. And yet this is at the top of the list in terms of emotional difficulty. As Steve was on the phone with Rob, I was watching Titus sleep and just sobbing. Thinking of the life that we wanted to give our family and the boys through living in Florida. This revealed to us our true desires for wanting to return to Florida. And it has nothing to do with the beach. That first night when Steve told me what he read, I just kept thinking, "where will the boys go to school?" CCA is where I felt was best for them

Many tears and questions over the days that followed. Steve and I had great discussions, painful ones, but great none-the-less. The discussions that strengthen a marriage and build trust, openness, connectedness.

Sunday, April 10th Steve’s mom came to watch the boys and we went out. Out to clear our heads, out to be together alone and able to talk about our thoughts. We hiked trails at Elk Neck State Park. On the way, I had a feeling the boys might be in danger and we should turn around. I fear my lack of mother’s intuition. I never know if my feelings are to be trusted or are just “in my head.” I prayed that if the boys really were in need of us that either Steve or myself would get physically ill and know then that we need to go home. I had this nagging feeling as we drove further (the park was farther than I remembered it being) and as we hiked deeper into the woods I kept thinking of how long it would take us to get home. I prayed for the boys throughout. We had talked about stopping at Sandy Cove on the way home and when we left the park Steve asked me if I still wanted to. I thought “God could give us a sign there about moving or staying, so we have to stop. We don’t want to miss our sign.” So I said, yes, let’s stop. On the drive in to Sandy Cove there is a sign that says something like, Stay still long enough to hear God speak. Just what we need to do, I thought. We walked out to the pier. No one was there. We talked a little about how beautiful it was and then we sat. Enjoying the quiet, alone with our thoughts, prayers. After a while we knew we needed to head home. I thought, if God wanted to show us anything, He would’ve done it here. We walked back to the car. In the parking lot, through the trees I saw a van with a little trailer that caught my attention. Made my heart skip a beat really. Right next to our car in an open parking lot was a van with a wagon, both of which said “Calvary Chapel.” “Our” same Calvary Chapel. The same writing, the same dove. We both laughed in disbelief. Not to say we thought that God had necessarily sent that van to say to us, “go to Florida.” But it just was odd. An odd coincidence? Something to make us re-examine our decision? It got us talking and thinking.



Since making that call to Rob turning down the job in Florida, Steve has had a lack of peace. It’s been hard though to distinguish between lack of peace because it was the wrong decision or is the feeling of a lack of peace because we struggle to believe that God has something better in store for us here. A lack of faith? Not wanting to trust our lives and the lives of our boys entirely to God?

The more people we talk to the more confusion we feel. Everyone has different thoughts on what God is telling us. And if God really does "speak" like that, just randomly opening the bible. I know that no matter what decision we make from here some will think it was the wrong one. I know it’s what we believe to be from God that matters.

Last night Steve e mailed Rob (CCA principal) this-
I sent Mark an email on Friday. We are not at peace with our decision at all and would like to reconsider. I realize you need to move forward with other applicants, but I wanted to let you know that. Would you consider keeping my hat in the ring so to speak? (if it is not too late) I don't want to be wishy washy but we have not had any type of peace since calling you. Still seeking further direction... Thanks.

Steve

Here is the e mail to Mark (Head of school). Steve’s deep angst comes through so clearly. It was written at 3am, an early morning when he was unable to sleep.

Mark,

Good morning from PA! I know we have not gotten a chance to talk recently but I hope all is well with your family. I hope that Andrew is having a good year at CCA as I miss having him in class on a regular basis and enjoying his humor. As you know, we were contacted by Rob with the possibility of moving back down to Ft. Lauderdale so I could take the department head position at the school and teach social studies. Actually, this opportunity seemed to come as an even greater answer to prayer because I had contacted Aaron in December before Christmas about being open to any possible position that might come up...however who knew it would have been so soon. When I found out what the position was it seemed to be a perfect fit in every way. We had lamented in many ways how we missed the church fellowship and ministry opportunities, and how we felt about our boys and what we desired for their life. As we came close to making the decision I felt that God was moving us toward Florida again and I must say that personally I was happy about that. In some ways I felt that we had given up on Florida too early and though family was important there may have been some fear there as well to why we moved back to PA.

Leading up to when I was going to call Rob back I was almost certain this was going to be how God would move our family, but I still had some trepidation and reservation about some areas of living in Ft. Lauderdale (Our boys growing up in a very temptation filled environment, crime, finding a house, etc..). I decided that I was going to take some time to get alone and pray in the woods on the hill behind our house. I went up to the top and asked the Lord to speak through what I was going to read and then I just opened up the Bible to the first place I came to when I opened it up. The passage was form Jeremiah 42. I started to read it and see if the Lord had me open up there to speak to me. (You should know that I usually don't study or ask to hear from the Lord this way...and will talk further about this later), Well, I'm sure you know the ominous warning issued in Jeremiah 42 for those that do not "stay in there land" but go to settle in Egypt against the word from God given through Jeremiah. I was stunned to read this because I felt up until this point the Lord had been putting things together for us to move back. We had not been happy with the outcome of our choice and felt maybe we had given up the first time, so what a logical thing that we should go back to Florida...and now this. I went back "down the mountain" and told Morgan and we both cried. It felt like someone had taken away everything we had hoped and dreamed for. Was God really telling us to stay in our land and he would lift us up and plant us? It seemed clear enough and the punishment for disobedience in that text is no laughing matter and I am still scared of those verses....especially as it could pertain to my family.

Mark,
I desire to be obedient where the Lord calls me but I guess I just don't understand. I talked about this to Aaron and he gave me some things to consider...just sound advice. However, I kept coming back to the warning in that passage and no teaching position is worth disobeying and reaping what that passage says. If we are supposed to "stay in our land" then I am fine with that but it doesn't seem to match up (in my finite mind) with where God had been moving all along. So, I am asking for any insight you have and would love to talk this weekend although I know you are busy. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done to tell Rob we would be turning down the position. He said "we thought you were that person to fill the position" and I said so did I!! Is that even a Biblical way to approach a decision...to open the Bible to a random place and ask the Lord to speak and see what happens? I do know how to study the Bible, but walking up the hill I just felt like if I turn to a passage I know then I will be "making" the decision for what I want to do.

It hurt so much to turn down the offer (like someone punching me in the stomach) and as you can see I would welcome any insight you have. This is not to justify what I want to do, but to hopefully appeal to someone wiser in the faith and ask for insight. If everything seemed as if the Lord was opening doors for us to be there then why would He then seem to slam it shut, or was I miss handling scripture by basing my decision on a one time leading where I opened to a passage and sought direction. Is that a foolish approach? We really want to come and accept the position for more reasons then I could name (and this email is long already:) It would be good for our marriage, our sons, my professional development, the ministry with students and outreach. I guess I would just ask you to pray. I have thought...Maybe God is just testing us to see if we will be willing to stay and CCA won't find anyone for the position and call me back." I was even ready to call Rob yesterday and say WAIT, we are making the wrong decision..WE'LL TAKE IT! I have thought maybe we are meant to stay and move back later...next year, or two or three. I just don't understand. Would you pray on my behalf and my family's behalf that things become clearer. AND...would you pray and see if God speaks to you on our behalf. I don't want to be disobedient to God, but I would like to be sure and not foolish passing up something He has ordained for us because I was foolish. Again, if we could talk that would be even better. We so long to be there and co-labor with you (and stay there...plant roots in the process) and it hurts to hear No. I just want to be sure it is no and not be confused. Thanks Mark.

Steve

Part 2. The (Processing Part of the) Journey

It would seem like the decision would be made rather quickly and easily. After all, going back to Florida was what we thought we wanted all along. Ever since coming back to Pennsylvania. And now here we were with that opportunity and the position being exactly what Steve would want. More than the job, we realized that Florida would give every member of the family many opportunities. Yet, now that we were faced with the decision, it became quite difficult to make.

Going back to my journaling, here is some of what I was discovering and processing-

In the meantime…

Watching Calvary Chapel online service. Song that stood out to me.-

Take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory
Take my life and let it be yours
Take my life and let it be all for you and for your glory
Take my life and let it be yours

Feb. 28th - Browsing the Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale website, reading pastors testimonies. Some that stood out to me…

Testimony from Topher Harrison (youth pastor @ Calvary, friend of Steve’s) found on the Calvary Chapel website-
How did God move you to Florida?
My wife, Anya, was a senior at Moody, and she asked me if I thought that she could be a high school Bible teacher. I told her that with her Greek/Hebrew major and her love for the Word of God, she would make a wonderful Bible teacher. When she asked if she could do it in Fort Lauderdale, I told her no. David Salvatelli and Rob Lofthouse had come to Moody looking for a Bible teacher for CCA, and Anya was interested. She replied that her job was to submit to me and mine was to submit to God, so we started praying. We agreed to vacation here, and just fell in love with the church.
You came to Florida for a job interview for Anya. When did you know that God had a position for you as well?
After trusting that God had our lives in His hands, I was fine with coming to South Florida for Anya. I figured that even if I couldn’t get a job at a local church, I could work construction and volunteer with the youth group at Calvary. When we went out to dinner with some of the leadership, I was asked to teach a Bible class. I thought I had misunderstood and that they were asking Anya to teach the class, but the next day with only half an hour preparation, I found myself in front of the freshman Bible class teaching them for an hour and a half. Afterwards, Pastor Doug approached me and told me that it was apparent that teaching was one of my gifts. Two hours later, Pastor Mark offered Anya a job at CCA, and I was offered a job as Ministry Assistant in the Youth Department and was asked to teach some Bible classes.

From the testimony of Stephan Tchividjian (oldest grandson of Billy Graham, one of the pastors at Calvary)-
What’s the greatest thing your father ever did?
In his 20s, he left the security of his father’s business and went back to school. It took him ten years to complete his doctorate, and he was the age I am now when he finished. I’m from a family of seven, and I realize that it couldn’t have been easy, but he pursued his dream.

Pastor Chet Lowe-
What experiences or influences have made you the man who you are today?
My wife! (laughing) My wife and my children. Of all the adventures I’ve gone on . . . I mean, we’ve taken our kids into war! When my kids ask me when they grow up, “Why did you risk our lives?” my answer will be “I was under orders.” I feel that if Christ is my commander, then any experience I go through, it’s for my wife and kids’ benefit as well. With every move that we’ve made, and we’ve made several, with every direction that we’ve taken, my children have become more and more that Christ-like person that they are to become

Worship pastor, Clay Hecocks-
Knowing that you actually enjoyed the Michigan winters, how did you ever get to Fort Lauderdale?It wasn’t my decision. I was totally content where I was. I had a Christian band that was experiencing quite a bit of success, I owned a very successful woodworking business with five employees, and I was serving as the band director at my church. Pastor Bob had asked me to come down in the middle of July. I had no desire to move here, but I felt like God clearly said to me, I don’t need you here, but this is where I want you. Now this is where we want to be. It’s a great transition when where you are supposed to be becomes the place where you want to be, and we’re here for the duration.

Pastor Greg Anderson-
After Pastor Bob extended that invitation to be part of our pastoral staff and God confirmed that call, how did He lead you to your next step?It was very much a “letting go.” It was a letting go of everything I had found some security in. I said goodbye to my parents, my home, my dog, my cat, all my friends, and the church family that I love very much. It was an exercise of faith. It was about packing up the family and saying, “We’re on a spiritual adventure and God is leading us south. We’re going to step out in faith.”

Philippians 1:6 (NKJV) . . . being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ .

Mar. 2nd - Titus playing with his cars and I asked him where they are going. He usually says the park. This morning he said, “they are going someplace so daddy and I can’t be cold.” :)

Wednesday, March 9th - Last night Steve had another phone conversation with Aaron Mills. Just trying to get some clarity on a few things. After the call Steve and I talked. I felt more confident that we are to return to Florida but ended up criticizing Steve and being very disrespectful in my attitude about it all. Looking back now, I know it came from fear. It’s scary to think of giving up all this security, being here with family, and becoming fully devoted to God…and to Steve. I am starting to feel a real peace about us going…but there is still a sadness about leaving here as well.

The two weeks had come and gone and we still hadn't made a decision. I am really trying to leave it more to Steve to make this time around. I know that I pushed my opinions too much the last time and I don't want to do that again. I know that Steve is taking this very seriously and is desiring to do what is best for all of us.

March 31st - I underlined this a few days ago, but it was re-reading it tonight that made me say “wow“ out loud. "Intentional mothers break free from a fear-based lifestyle because they choose to live in faith. They embrace a sense of purpose and anticipation of God's blessings in their children's lives. While they recognize the challenges that lie ahead, they see them not as obstacles to be controlled but as opportunities to see God work."

“Mothers who embrace their faith truly sense that God is bigger than anything their children will encounter.”

One of my fears about returning is raising the boys in such an immodest area. Steve e mailed some of his former students from CCA about this very issue and the affect that it has on them. They all said it's a huge struggle. Beautiful people wearing very little clothing. One student said at the end,

It's hard down here man. But the best part is that no matter where u are u can overcome because of the redeeming power of Jesus Christ. Love it.

The school has been great with not pressuring us to make a decision.

April 1st - I kept saying/feeling like I need one more snow. I love the snow. Watching it fall. It feels magical how it transforms things. I woke up this morning to a coating on the ground and huge flakes falling from the sky. On the day we decided we would make our decision. But still, Steve didn't feel confident yet. So we keep praying.

Later that night, reading a blog that I follow I was reminded that it’s God’s approval we’re to seek. I have so many fears about what people’s reactions will be, about how to explain to people why we’re considering a move back. In the end, that doesn’t matter. If we feel we are pleasing God…that’s all we need.

Still reading that blog, the writer posted this verse…
“Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the skies…” (Psalm 36:5)

Throughout this “journey” for us I keep thinking of this verse as our family verse…
“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)

I just keep feeling like this is our second chance.

Part 1. The (Beginning of the) Journey

On May 18th 2010, Steve accepted a job offer to teach back in PA. I started having regrets almost immediately. Driving north on Federal Highway (I don't remember where I was going, probably Super Target), I remember seeing the diversity among the people of south Florida. I remember watching a woman getting on a bus, I don't remember what she looked like, but I remember thinking, Titus isn't going to see this kind of diversity in PA.

But, we packed. We found housing. We moved.

After getting back here to Chester county we stayed with my parents for about a month until our rental house was ready. Then we moved in. And began the most difficult few months of our marriage so far. I don't say that casually. Our relationship has had some extremely difficult times. After some heartbreaking days in our five years of dating, we married. The first year of marriage we struggled financially as Steve was teaching at a very small Christian school. Then my brother died suddenly. Eleven months later, his brother was shot and then sent to prison. All the while we were struggling to conceive...for five years. We haven't had the fairy tale romance and this wasn't our first bump in the road. We had already had many. Maybe they all helped develop us into the strong couple that we are today. Preparing us to handle this most difficult time in our marriage. Steve regretted coming back. I felt like he was blaming me for it. I was mad at myself for not trusting God to take care of us in Florida. He was mad at himself for not being the spiritual head of the household and staying where he felt God wanted us. We both knew, and finally admitted, that we moved back out of fear. The fear of becoming a family of four there. How would we do it? Raising two kids without family? Who would watch Titus while I was in the hospital delivering? The uncertainty of it all is what I believe drove us to come home. We were at the point of our being there where we would either come home or go "all in." We came home. We chose the easy route.

Only it turned out to be not so easy.

I started journaling on the computer as our journey began in early December. This is what I wrote-

Thursday, Dec. 9th- 1st step towards us moving back to Florida. Steve called Aaron Mills (friend from CCA). Told him of our desire to come back. Aaron confirmed that Steve would be welcome back. Steve said, it’s up to us to decide if we want to be here with family or…I immediately thought “where God wants us.” I feel like that’s where we belong. It would mean full and complete commitment to Steve to move back to Florida as a family. It will be permanent.

New Year’s Day 2011 - I was lying on the couch while the boys were napping and Steve was at the school doing some work. Picturing Florida in my mind, I thought to myself, I am ready to go “home.” When Steve got back to the house I asked him “what’s up?” He said, “I want to go home.” I couldn’t believe we both thought the same thing and both used that word, “home” when talking about Florida.

January 3, 2011 - I read this quote today - “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

January 6 - Steve left me a note … I'm up late reading and I want to be in bed with you...instead I'm doing worksheets. Would you really move to FL with me again????? I texted him that I would go anywhere with him. Then I got tears in my eyes. Were we about to move again. I think of my mom and my sister. How could I leave them again? Though my loyalty is to my husband and boys. I have to do what is best for them. And I know I grew the most in my life while living in Florida. I felt the closest to God there. My relationship with Him was getting deeper than ever before.

Tuesday, Jan. 18th - Steve’s 2nd talk with Aaron Mills. Steve told him we would like to pursue a return to CCA. Steve decided to leave it up to Aaron’s judgment in bringing the idea before the administration. We will pray and wait for Aaron’s call. It’s in God’s hands…His timing.

Sandy Perrin (head of history dept) called Steve on Feb. 14th asking him questions about the class that he teaches now (AP world history). She was told they are adding that class to CCA next year. Wow, could they really be adding the exact class that Steve teaches now?!

Talked again to Aaron Mills and he confirmed that there is going to be a position opening and the principal will be contacting Steve within the next two weeks.

Random thought - Feeling like south Florida may just be a stepping stone for us…on our way to missions perhaps. As though going back to Calvary will develop me into who God needs me to be for another mission.

Feb. 23rd - Had dinner with aunt Jean and Pam. We shared with them what was going on with our possible return to Florida. They promised to pray.

When we came home that night Steve got a call from the principal at CCA. He told Steve that there is indeed a position available teaching AP world history. He had just found out that day that there is a teacher from the history department that won’t be returning. Told Steve to take as long as we need to pray and make a decision. They will hold the job for Steve. Steve said we would pray and they made plans to talk again in 2 weeks…which I later realized is going to be exactly 3 months to the day from when Steve first made contact with Aaron Mills about our possibly returning to Florida