December 25, 2011

Last year, living in PA, we decided we wanted to spend the day together just the four of us. We stayed in our pajamas and didn't leave the house. I think that since life had changed so drastically for us...coming back "home" to Pennsylvania and being a family there for the first time, really...we wanted it to be just us on Christmas day. Being with all the family suddenly felt a little overwhelming. We were familiar with the feelings of being "alone."

This year, after deciding not to make the long trip to family, we had no choice but to be alone. Just the four of us. It can be so wonderful at times. Being just the four of us. Doing life together. Depending on each other. Our family feels so tight. So close. But at times, like at Christmastime, it can feel so strange. So wrong.

I laughed, slightly annoyed, at what felt like every Christmas commercial that included snow. Don't they know there are places where Christmas doesn't include snow. Being bundled in coats and scarves. There are people who aren't knocking on the door of their family's house holding pie.

We had a nice day together on Christmas but there was that idea {everywhere we turned, every show, every movie, every song, every commercial} that said we are supposed to be surrounded by family.

We weren't.

Quincy eating breakfast under the Christmas banner that Titus helped to make-

After all the gifts were opened...and everyone was content-

reading new books from Mom-Mom-

cookies and juice for breakfast-


joy-


Cookies and new toys-



Christmas morning decorations-




were quickly destroyed by little boys-

and used to decorate dad-









Christmas dinner, cooked by me, a combination of our families-


our Christmas ornament {sent from aunt Jane}, a thumbprint of everyone who celebrated Christmas day 2011 together-


After dinner and naps we felt like we needed to get out. It was a beautiful day. We actually had the air on all day. We needed some fresh air. Fresh beach air. We loaded the boys and their strollers and drove to Deerfield beach. Our favorite spot. Living close to there our first time in Florida, it was the only beach we went to. Now we're further south and this was just the second time going there since moving back five moths ago.















I think next year we would like to go "home" for the holidays. We'll see what happens when that time comes. Maybe do a year here then a year there. The hassle of traveling with kids combined with the length of the trip and the expense can seem overwhelming. But it just doesn't feel quite right to spend Christmas alone.

Although it has given me more of a heart for the people who do...and probably not by choice. When I was in the grocery store shopping for my meal I overheard a conversation between an older man and a woman. She said something about him having a wife at home. He said, "If I did, I wouldn't be here." Food shopping he meant. He said she died years ago. This Christmas I had a tiny little glimpse of the loneliness that can come at Christmastime.